Over the last 2 weeks, I got stressed.
I got one of my wisdom teeth removed and I got a tooth infection all while going to school and tutoring.
I asked myself while being sick what is important. I got really head-achy and contemplated life.
Just by being a nursing tutor changed my personality. It is not like teaching English. I am caring but no one really cares back. It is because I am a male nurse I think and it is expect. However, there are some people that care. I find that I am not looking for the right people for me. I need to relax and not look beyond.
Also nursing is a unique area. You care. It is your job and you should not expect anything back. You use that as leverage to handle situations as you are providing care. Sometimes overly care.
When I was in computers, the knowledge that I held was unique. Not everyone wants to learn about all the inner workings of computers. It is a small minority that wants to sit in front of a computer all day.
I found that being in front of the computer made me lack the necessity social skills. I went and did retail but I found out in Oshawa, I did not mesh well with the demographics.
But working in retail did not push me to strive for a better life.
Nursing is just doing a job. And doing it right. That is it. It is stressful and there are no shortcuts if you are aiming for a high grade in nursing school.
But what about the greater psycho-social effects of nursing on my mentality. What people do I want in my life?
Something I have found is the race relations that exist and continue to exist even after all this time. This is even in Scarborough.
I find myself getting old and not caring about people as much. Do I need people in my life? Who? Which groups of people or person do I need to continue?
The problem I also find with nursing is that you only have a select few people who really understands you in this profession.
How am I without it? Does nursing really change who I am as a person?
I remember when I was studying computer programming at Durham College I was free but lonesome because of the lack socialization in the subject.
After all this time, should I even bother. I grew up enough now I feel from doing nursing. But where are my people?
Do I need to socialize?
Do I need to socialize with my people? Is there a different viewpoint when I am among my people?
Do I need to be around coloured people to make me feel alive? It kind of does.
I am still sick.